Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
