its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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