I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize