im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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