i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
