12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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