so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
