Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
