Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
