There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
