I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
