I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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