Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
