brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
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I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
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Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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