and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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