How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
