i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
