she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
