she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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