remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Drunk is not a location!
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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