She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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