she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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