dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
