Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
you would pick up someone in the library
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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