At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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