you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
What happened to fro yo and sex?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
