I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
