Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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