dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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