Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
