i think my tv is drunk
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.