There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
