Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
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i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
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You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?