you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites