Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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