I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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