There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
