your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
