Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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