Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
