I'm going to rape someone's good day.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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