you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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