he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
