you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
