Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
