Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
