i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
