remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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