I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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