That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
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