The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
