i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
