im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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