i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
