So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
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I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
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Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize