u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
he puts the penis in happiness.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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