Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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