it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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