i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
