As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
