There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Can I color on your dick again?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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