Girls should come with a carfax report
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
