how can u be prego again
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
