Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
