you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Randomize
