my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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