and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
