i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
