so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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