If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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