I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
he fucked my hip out of place.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
