Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
