VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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