Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
