How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
